Mom On the Alert

FIGHTING PREJUDICE & BIGOTRY, ONE LETTER AT A TIME

The torrent of bigotry directed at the Democratic Candidates has begun in earnest, and this mom is finding it difficult to sit by and stay silent. I am generally appalled when people I have admired unthinkingly pass this hate mail on to all their contacts.

I am surprised and saddened when I receive this kind of mail from people who should know better. And, I am offended when people choose to pass on this kind of bigoted material on to me. My sentiments on these subjects are pretty apparent.

On Saturday night, I asked my son Mike for advice about the best way to handle it when someone inserts a bigoted comment in the context of a conversation about another topic. When this happens to me, I am usually taken by surprise by the person who passes off this little piece of evil as part of an acceptable conversation.

More than once, when this has happened, the shock of the incident simply stuck me dumb. By the time I recovered, the conversation had moved on to another subject, or that person had left … and no one but me seemed to notice the little break in civility.

Mike said to simply say; “I don’t agree with you about that.”, and leave it at that. That would be great if it wasn’t so guilelessly inserted into a sentence about something completely innocent and different.

And then Mike asked; “Why do you want to say anything at all other than that? Do you want to say something just so that you will feel better?”

Well, yes, I do want to feel better. I do not want to stand by and not object when hate speech is commonly accepted. And yes, I don’t want to experience that icky feeling that comes after I fail to stand up against things that I feel are clearly wrong. I don’t want to feel the guilt. And, I don’t want the feel the shame that I generally feel when I fail to stand forth in my truth.

I found it hard to explain just what I was feeling, and why it felt so necessary to me not to let these kind of incidents to pass without saying something. I found it hard to explain that I feared that if I did not speak out in the moment, my silence implied tacit agreement.

Since Saturday night, I started to catch up on unread e-mail. Considering the times, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at what I read. But still, I was saddened and surprised by what some people unthinkingly forwarded on to me. And I was saddened each time I read a letter which contained a large scoop of hate.

In these charged times, I guess this is to be expected, but still I find myself disappointed as I always expect better from people I like. And certainly by now, and after a lifetime of experiences, in social situations, I should have learned how to react more quickly and perfected a way to handle these experiences with ease. Yet, it still is easier for me to respond after I have a moment to think about it and can work, and rework, my reply So in the last couple of days, I have replied to two letters. One was sent to a friend, and the other was sent by an old classmate. Both people seemed not to have thought twice before forwarding on something that anyone should have known was clearly Anti-Muslim propaganda.

Before I did that, I remembered another conversation I once had with one of my boys. At the time, I was considering the propriety of objecting to similar nasty e-mail. Either Matt, or maybe it was Mike, had said at the time something I've never forgotten; “The person who sent you the offensive e-mail was clearly not thinking how you might feel when you received their letter, so why should you consider their feelings if you write that you disagree and didn’t like what they wrote?”

Well, the truth is that I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But even though that last statement may be true, I know that I am human, and I have done many things that have hurt others. I know that each of us humans have had prejudiced thoughts, and each of us have said and done things we are not proud of.

But, I also know that for our species to evolve, we must all strive to become better than we are. To grow in understanding and awareness, we must all be willing to do the fearless self-examination required to root out and to expose our unconscious ingrained bigotries to the light.

Well, both of my sons have grown to become men I admire. And both of them are more conscious than their mother. And because, like their father, they are good, decent and honorable men, I have learned from them. Even though it may not always be apparent, I do listen to all three of these intelligent men, and consider well what they say.

Below is the text of the letters I recently sent. Names and identifying information have been deleted.

Letter # 1

Dear Friend

Regarding this email that you forwarded regarding Barack Obama. Did you mean to forward this particular one? I am thinking that it must have been a mistake as it didn't seem like the kind of e-mail you usually forward on. I was surprised to read the content as it seems rather bigoted ... and did not sound like you.

I would guess that anyone who is paying attention would realize that Barack Obama's name was of an African Muslim origin. We know that his Dad was from Kenya and most likely was a Muslim. We also know that his Mom was very young when he was born and was a rather free spirit who traveled and sampled life to the fullest.

His Dad left when he was about two, and I don't think he ever saw his Dad again. I believe that after learning about his father's death, he traveled to Kenya, and after that trip wrote the book; Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance a book, which talks about his not-so-happy childhood, and his travels to Kenya after hearing of his father's death.

Since 9-11 there has been so much hatred of Muslims circulated around the internet. I am always saddened and appalled when I see the thinly veiled hate. It is too bad that after we have accomplished in our country, so many people are still susceptible to such race based bigotry.

Sorry this is so long, my dear friend, and it took me so long to answer, but I have not been on my computer for a very long time. I love you and am always grateful for your friendship. Take good care. Love, Judi

Letter # 2

Dear Classmate.

I AM SADDENED AND APPALLED THAT YOU WOULD CHOOSE TO PASS THIS BIGOTED LIE ON TO OTHERS. AND, I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY ON EARTH YOU WOULD CHOOSE TO SEND OR FORWARD SUCH A HATE-FILLED EMAIL TO ME!

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SENDING OR FORWARDING ANYTHING ELSE OF THIS NATURE TO ME IN THE FUTURE! ISN'T THERE ENOUGH HATRED AND BIGOTRY IN THE WORLD WITHOUT ADDING TO IT?

THIS STATEMENT ABOUT OBAMA IS A COMPLETE LIE!!! MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR FACTS BEFORE YOU SEND ANOTHER ”NICE STORY" LIKE THIS ONE ON TO OTHERS.

Classmate, I am sorry to have to be so brutally frank in responding to your e-mail, but it is obvious that you are completely unaware that something like this might not be welcomed by those who do not share your views.

I wish you would consider just how all the lies and half truths were spread about Jews leading up to, and during, the Holocaust. How do you think otherwise good German people justified and put up with the terrible atrocities of their government?

It didn't start with the concentration camps!

It started when people gave into their fear and did not stand up. It started when otherwise intelligent people began to accept the lies and fabrications as if they were truth. It continued and grew when people became complacent about bigotry and race-based hatred when it was directed at others. ... And when they passed around “nice stories” like the one you sent me without thinking.

Have we learned nothing from those terrible events? Have we learned nothing from our own people's suffering? Why would we want to add to the hatred and bigotry that already exists in the world? If we keep this up, none of us will ever be safe. I believe hatred and bigotry only breed more hatred and bigotry. And I for one, do not want to be a part of it. Nor am I willing to be complicit, and remain silent when I am so offended.

By the way, if any elected representative chooses not to put his or her hand on the Bible when they take their oath of office at the time they pledge to "protect and defend" The Constitution of The United States, that is their right. They are not pledging to protect and defend the Bible, the flag, or a Judeo-Christian way of life. The pledge is taken to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States!

The Constitution of the United States guarantees freedom of religion, and that also allows for freedom from religion as well.

I will close with these two quotes:
One:

They came first for the Communists,
and I did not speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I did not speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I did not speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I did not speak up because I wasn't a Catholic.
Then they came for me, and by that time,
there was no one left to stand up for me.

(This poem is attributed to Martin Niemoller and is displayed at the United States Holocaust Museum.)

Two:
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good men to stand by and do nothing" -Edmund Burke

I hope this finds you well. Take care. Judi

Posted by Judi at January 22, 2008 6:27 PM | TrackBack