My children; how blessed I have been to have had you come though me.

What joy it had been to be your mother even though you are now grown and are no longer in need of my attentions.

Have I told you lately that I am proud of you, that you have become remarkable men. And, that day by day, I give thanks that you chose to be my child in this lifetime.

Your hearts are filled with love and compassion, your fine minds are sharpened by discernment. And all that awaits is the moment when the touch of the divine awakens that part of you which reveals the eternal spark. And you realize that you too are made of stuff of the Gods. Perfect and whole, and individually and uniquely suited be part of those who will lead another generation on the journey to an evolving tomorrow.

My dear husband slumbers in the bed we have made together and in this moment all I can feel is the love that has bound us together all these years. How lucky am I that we found each other, and after all these years are still clashing against each other, rubbing and polishing off those jagged edges to reveal the beauty hidden inside.

The day after her master came into the city,
as the mists of the dream receded into the deep
slowly she came awake.

For the moment she stood open
as the lilting sounds of music fed her soul
and the touch of a friend brought with it
a sense of unity.

The little window in her heart had opened,
allowing in a glimpse of heaven,
the presence filled her being.

And once again she sensed the love
that had always existed
in all the spaces about her.

She didn’t want this sense of joy to end,
and so ... resisted sleep.

GULP!

A few days ago, I removed my California 'driver's license' from the little clear pocket in my wallet in order to see something better. That is when I discovered that I had not been carrying around a California Driver's License at all. The card in my wallet was a Senior Citizen Identification Card. That means that I have been driving with an expired license for years. Oh My God!

In the days that have elapsed since this discovery, every possible worst-case scenario of what it would be like to live in the Los Angeles suburbs without a driver's license crossed my mind.

One of the first things I did to rectify the problem was to call someone I knew who worked at the D.M.V. The next morning, this kind fellow looked up my driver's license number, then called me to tell me; "Yes in deed, you are driving around with an expired license!" "But", he continued, "this happens all the time, and you can still get your license renewed. All you need to do is to go into the D.M.V office, take a vision test, have your picture taken, and take the written exam. And then, he volunteered to drop by the newest California Driver Handbook and an application.

I studied for this exam as I have not studied in years, and alternated between states of anxiety and relative calm when I remembered that this, too, was an opportunity for growth. Nevertheless, I could not help but consider what might happen if I failed the vision test, the written exam, or they found some other reason which would preclude me from driving.

This morning, I told my husband that I needed him to drive me to the D.M.V., and that I would appreciate it if he would speak only encouraging words to me as I prepared. During the short ride over to the nearby office, I shared with him some of my worst fears. I also asked him to say the mantra for me ... not thinking that this would fix anything humanly, but I knew that it would help me to have the spiritual support to accept what ever might happen in any case.

Certainly I know, that this little problem can not compare to the large issues many face every day in this unstable and volatile world. But I was unsettled. Nevertheless, it helped me to be able to connect with the part of me that remembered that I was still capable, that I still had the ability to learn, and that even if I was denied a license, I would learn to cope and even find beauty in whatever might come.

So with this bit of inner calm, I walked into the office, stood in the long line, and when it was my turn, simply and concisely explained my dilemma to the woman waiting behind the counter. She looked up, nodded and proceeded to tell me what to do next.

An hour and a half later, after I passed the vision test, had my picture and thumb print taken, got a perfect score on the written exam, I was issued my new Interim Driver License.

And, not once, (even when I overheard a conversation between a couple of other applicants) did I worry or think about the unflattering photo that would be imprinted on my new license. So maybe I have grown a bit. I am simply feeling very grateful right now. :-)

Lili Haydn is quite phenomenal in person.
Her performance was only one
of the amazing things we witnessed today.

"When you see the Earth from space,
you don't see any divisions of nation-states there.
This may be the symbol of the new mythology to come;
this is the country we will celebrate,
and these are the people we are one with."

-Joseph Campbell

"Find a place inside where there is joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain."

_Joseph Campbell

"It is by going down into the abyss
that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure."

-Joseph Campbell

"Furthermore, we have not even to risk the journey alone;
for the heroes of all time have gone before us;
the labyrinth is thoroughly known;
we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path.

And where we had thought to find an abomination,
we shall find a god;
where we had thought to slay another,
we shall slay ourselves;
where we had thought to travel outward,
we shall come to the center of our own existence;
where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.
"

-Joseph Campbell

One Earth.
One Heart.
We are becoming.

Earth Day 2008

"It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life"

Isabella Juliette Pusateri arrived at 8:07 AM this morning.
Mom, Dad and baby are all doing fine.

Welcome to the world, little one. :- )

This morning she woke at an earlier hour. When she came fully awake, she realized that the gloom and sluggishness of the day before had disappeared.

In its place was renewed vigor – a cheerful outlook and a new determination to forge ahead. All the tasks left undone the night before did not seem so overwhelming on this bright new day.

It wasn’t long before she was making check marks next to the items on her to-do list. Maybe all that was needed to dispel the darkness was to give voice to her fears. And to trust that with just a small shift in perception, everything in life can be transformed.

don’t forget

how you move through the dirt and the dust and the muck
how you breathe through the length of each trembling hour
how you fall and you rise in your longing and luck
how you manage a moment of stillness and power
how you hope, how you dream, how you talk to the moon
how you locate your light in the thundering black
how you reach out your hand for a tendril of June
how you swallow your dread and your loss and your lack
how you capture the notes to a burgeoning song
how you know in your heaviest heart you’re not wrong.

-Maya Stein

The night was thick with dreams again. About being in tight places and constricted spaces. Of swollen eyes, closed to mere slits. Of dead ends and detours and public exposure. Of meetings with old friends, who then disappeared. And of searches which ended in disappointment.

When she awoke she was groggy, sore and sad. Lonely. And somewhat fearful that this day would end much like the last. With little accomplished. Decisions unmade. But it was more than that.

She remembered a time when she knew her path and walked it with sure conviction. When she could hear her own voice. Softer, lower, more melodious than the one she had now … who spoke to her with loving compassion and who kept her company as she moved through dangerous places.

The vision that used to bring her peace had almost faded. It was now washed out, grey and emptied of life. She was lonely for herself and for what she once was…. When she would sit, still and at peace, and when she felt one with the universe.

She thought maybe she just needed to be alone so that she could simply hear the sounds of the earth. The dancing leaves, the chatter of birds, the tick of a clock. Without interruption. She wondered if she would ever feel sure about anything again for more than a few fleeting moments.

She realized that her thoughts these days did not lie with the One as they used to. Her concentrated energy, longing and hope was focused on the possibility of change would be brought about by a mortal who was a candidate for high office.

In her obsession, she dared to dream that we … all of us … were poised together, ready and willing to make a great leap forward. That in the next intake of breath, we could step off edge into the unknown. Trusting that we were moving in the right direction.

She dared to hope that with the following breath … we could bring about a worldwide shift in perception and awareness. Then, as one, we would be ready to move together in peace, harmony and shared humanity. In an instant, in a wink of an eye, with one shared sigh, we would create a new earth.

About a month ago I decided to set up some new e-mail addresses because:

1. My husband has been telling me for years that I should stop using AOL as my personal Internet Service Provider since it doesn’t handle some functions all that well. At least that is what he always tells me whenever I encounter a problem he doesn’t seem to have when using a computer.

2. Opening up some pictures or downloads that friends send to me to me at my AOL address can go unbelievably slow or cannot be opened at all. (I have imagined a troop of AOL Thought Police who decide what their subscribers should and should and not should see, and put up blocks and other walls to dissuade users from viewing suspected items. But then I do have a vivid imagination.)

And… 3. Two of my friends who have Hotmail addresses have been telling me that they want to learn how add links to their email like I do. And, since these ladies have been such good friends to me, I thought I probably could teach them how to do this.

So about a month ago, I decided that I should sign up for a Gmail address like Pete has to see if I liked it … and, a Hotmail address so I could walk my friends through the linking process. Good enough. All went well.

When my eldest came over last weekend, and I told him what I had done, he shot me an incredulous look and made a rather cheeky statement like; “You are going to teach someone else how to use the computer, Mom???”

“Well, yes, I thought I could.” I said.

These words brought about another less-than-respectful comment by my eldest. It was evident that he thought the idea of his clueless mom teaching someone even less knowledgeable was very funny.

Yesterday, I sat down at my computer and figured out how to use the Hotmail and Gmail e-mail systems. Then I wrote out step-by-step instructions for my friends and sent them each an e-mail from my new Hotmail address with this information.

I now have addresses at AOL, Yahoo, the one for this website that pretty much stinks, one on Hotmail and one on G-mail.

One day I may actually catch up and actually read the incoming e-mail that I have already received. And, maybe one of these days, I will learn how to use the darling little white ipod nano Mike bought me two or three years ago.

Maybe right after that, I'll even finally learn how to post a picture on this website ... but don't hold your breath! :-)