Mom On the Alert

RESPITE

A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN LA

The rains stopped for a spell.
My knee and ankle stopped throbbing.
And, I spent a good part of the afternoon outside.
My spirits rose.
It felt good to be alive.

Sometimes all we need is the sun!

*************

DOUBTS

Some people go into self doubt rather easy.
I am one of them.
Especially when I've been hurting for a while.
And, I feel rather useless.

At those times, the sting of an unkind word feels like a terrible wound. Oddly, it was the words of a near stranger that affected me this time. Instead of facing the fear, I avoided talking to this person. That was a mistake.

Today, I finally faced my fear and initiated contact.

It was only after doing this that I realized how I had allowed my mind to wallow in drama for a while. I'd made up scenarios that, in hindsight, were ridiculous. I have a very inventive mind.

I wonder why I let myself stay in this state for so long.
I found myself avoiding the stillness.
Or felt unable to achieve it.
My mind seemed to go to dark thoughts.
I ran from my spiritual practice and looked for diversion.

There are times when I feel like I am evolving backwards.
Is there such a word as de-evolving?

**************

STALEMATE

A couple of weeks ago, a spiritual brother shared something at Meditation that deserves greater contemplation. And that is ... that we have chosen our separateness. Because we have chosen it, we should enjoy it.

I believe that we are all One.
That in reality, there is no separation.
That being alone is not our natural state.

Maybe we must go through the feeling of separateness to truly appreciate the oneness. Maybe my practice has been lacking for this reason. Or maybe, I have just been lazy!

Posted by Judi at February 12, 2005 10:47 PM | TrackBack