These days, I've been feverously writing whole tomes on large Post-it note Pads. My hand moves incessantly as I furiously scribble, while sitting in a room filled with silence. There is a lifetime of words coming out of my own head. I need, nor desire, any other noise. I have used up multiple pads, and worn out several pens. I seems like a lifetime of words are now coming out of me. And, as you all know, I've always had a lot to say.
As I sort though the great emotion, this practice is my only relief. In my fury and grief, I am taking a look at every issue in my life, and I am hopping mad. The last couple of days I am trying to record it here. This means transcribing my pennings to type. So that eventually this can be reproduced in a form that another can understand.
This is my form of screaming into a pillow or knocking my head on the wall. All this explosive energy has to go somewhere. And it comforts me to hear my self talk. The word is powerful. And I feel its power within myself. Someone may look and value my piece of written history. Or maybe not.
Though it would be nice to think my children, or theirs, might one day want to see this, I am really writing to myself for my self. And though I believe in the lessons of impermanence, I share in the longing of leaving something of me behind in the same way as any Pharoah or artist of the past.
As I copy what I have written on my famous pads to the computer, sometimes I have to stop, as I take the time to vomit up more words. So, for the last couple of days I am doing my best to keep up with my ramblings.
The post of November 8th, I REMEMBER NOW, was taken from the middle of the writings from the day before. But one day all will be posted as a Chronicle of a Day.
Be-warned! That is only one day's ramblings. More to come.
This morning, I checked my incoming e-mail on just one address. The first thing that popped up was something from my friend, Dieter, who lives so far away. And, who gave me a name which made me smile. The Fury of LA.
I am co-opting the name.
I liked what he wrote and thank him for his encouraging notes.
I hope he is OK with me copying here his words. Thanks Dieter. For your encouraging words. You made me laugh.
Here is what he said: :-)
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Subject: Fury of LA
Well, enjoy your fire while it lasts ... and enjoy the kindness as well.
;-)
We had the first snow today ...
Dieter
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You made my day, Dieter. Thank You.
Posted by Judi at November 9, 2004 12:16 PM | TrackBack