My gloomy mood has pretty much lifted. I credit this not to time or to anything I was able to do through my spiritual practice. I credit this change to my brother, David. He called last night to wish me Happy Birthday. He had realized that he had missed the day. This is not unusual, and I am surprised when I hear from him on the actual date.
David is my big brother, four and one half years my senior. He was always my protector, my rescuer. When I was frightened or sad as a child, he tried to cheer me up by making funny faces in the mirror or by telling tall tales to divert my thoughts. He usually told me that things would be OK, and would go about trying to fix what was wrong.
After all, David believed that he was responsible for me being here. Or at least, that is the story that my Mother often told. Not knowing that she was already pregnant with me, David asked her for a sister. Apparently, a little boy down the street was delighted with his new baby sister, and David wanted one too. Mom said: "OK, if you really want one, but you will have to be a good big brother!"
As the story goes, after I arrived and David experienced the reality of the situation, he changed his mind, and told Mom: 'You can send her back now, I don't want her anymore". It was explained to him that that was not possible, and from then on, he pretty much accepted that I was not going anywhere. Since that was the case, I think he decided that he might just as well shoulder the responsibility, and become the BIG BROTHER!
We don't always see one another as often as we could, but something fundamental binds us together. There is a connection that is different from that of anything else in this life. We have changed over the years, and have gone our separate ways, but we shared parts of our lives that no one else has. For me, he was always there, and his place in my heart is his alone.
Well, to get on with what I was saying.... Last night David called, and we started talking. I told him what was going on with me. He listened with sympathetic understanding. He didn't try to fix anything and didn't offer any advice. What he did do was to tell me that I was loved and gave me some other warm fuzzys. After a while he laughingly said: "The good thing is that this is not real. It is an Illusion." I laughed, and said that was just what I had been trying to tell my self, as evidenced by my recent posts.
I felt better after getting off the phone with my brother last night. Later, I was moved to get up before going to sleep, to e-mail a note of thanks. I did. This morning I received a note back from him which said in Big Letters:
Judi
Thanks for the beautiful E mail
I love you.
David
What is pretty wonderful is that it becomes more evident as each day passes, that my brother and I are always moving in the same direction. We are simply taking slightly different pathways, which intersect, from time to time, along the trail. Thanks David, for still being my Big Brother!
Throughout my life, I have been gifted with the companionship of wonderful souls along the way. You are one of them!
Oh, and I had a great day today. But this is long enough already.